Missing you...

The moment is gone...

2011-11-19T19:10:00.000-08:00

The moment someone mentioned her and you're smiling so sweetly, I knew I've no chance.
She's pretty.
She's sweet.
She's lovely.
She's awesome.
And you like her.
That's the answer.

常常听到别人说，恋爱最美的部分就是暧昧的时候，等到真正在一起了，很多感觉就会消失不见了...
I dont believe a shit here. I dont even get to 暧昧 with you and you're gone.

I cant stop thinking of you...Hope I wish I can cry at one go and everything will be alright.

When will I ever have the guts to say that to you???

2011-11-05T02:55:00.000-07:00

I saw you online, but you went offline the moment I online.
I've not meet you for 2 weeks!
So I intend to disturb you!

Why no one likes me?

2011-10-12T06:47:00.000-07:00

Having a hard time to get into the working life. Assistant manager just hate me. She picks on me on everything! EVERYTHING.

I'm so stupid and why can't I learn things fast?! Why am I making mistake like always?! Why can't I absorb what people says to me? Why I so slow and stupid??? WHY?

Why can't I keep things to myself? Why am I telling him everything and he's not interested! Can't you just see he don't feel like listening to you? Why make your problem his problem?

I need a soulmate who listens to me. But, no one. He's not the one because he doesn't want to be one. He don't like me.

He's trying to tell me he's like the other girl yesterday. Is it? I'll never harass you. Can't I just like you in this way?

Why is the world boycotting me? I'm tired of living ever since I get to know this world. It's just so cruel and reality.

I just want a simple life. Why can't I?

I feeling like killing myself now!

2011-10-09T05:44:00.000-07:00

I'm having the most horrible weekends this week! I got myself in deep shit that I probably will lose my job and get sack.
I pray hard and chant hard enough till I'm so tensed and wanna end my life. It's a stupid thought but that's what stress brings: Commit Suicide.
I dont want to end my life such a way but this world is so terrible. I can't breathe and sleep properly since yesterday and looking myself in the mirror, I look so awful fugly.
I didnt want to provoke my colleague but she seems to be damn pissed with me! I'm so fucking guilty and she might be hating me now! HOW?
Nothing goes right as you see.
EK also ignored me because I'm such a whiner and he cant stand it. I didnt mean to be like that but it just happens. I'm a goner.. Shall perish and vanish in this world.
I cried so hard and helpless. I talked to yuling and to her, I shall chill myself since things are settled. But those guilts that I'm having and sins... I just cant let it go.
I really wish that everything will be fine and my colleague dont hate me. I so stupid and retard and difficult to teach. I know. I'm also trying hard to be a fast and clever human being but I'm not given a chance.
I think the world really hates me for living, Why create me and let the whole world suffers? Letting the people around me suffers? Letting me suffers the pain relationship that I will never have, the work stress , the hatred from my manger and colleague and no love from this world.
I love EK but he dont. He think I such a loser so he just entertain me, probably pity me. If confessing to him works, I think it's part of my craziness and prepare to go IMH. He sure rejected someone like me! I'm a goner!
PQ, I'm really truly sorry for the problems I caused. Please dont be angry with me though it's hard. I'm truly sorry.

Love is hatred!

2011-09-17T23:12:00.000-07:00

My six sense tells me he love another girl.

My six sense tells me he's avoiding me.

My six sense tells me he no longer SINGLE.

Can I trust my six sense?

Because it's just that accurate.

Depressed. Someone caught he seeing a girl on weekends. He said just friend. It just bothered me. Friends find it hilarious of my reaction. But I just can't control how I react. It's just make me wanna cry...

Why do I become a loser in relationship? Why why why?

I'm sick

2011-08-30T23:06:00.000-07:00

I'm sick and I'm sick of seeing him with so many girlfriends.
I'm unofficially giving him up, but I still care for him! Hui Ting's a loser seriously.

I'm hoping for some concern from him but he's not. I think too highly of myself. Who am I to him? Why should he care for a nobody like me?!

Shall just die in 2012 alone.

No point waiting...

2011-08-29T09:01:00.001-07:00

Happy dating with your loved one.

take a step at a time

2011-08-29T07:26:00.000-07:00

不喜欢的人，可以容易地讲个笑话，随便地发个短信。喜欢的，却变成心里的死穴一个，动都不敢动，甚至，看到的时候，话都说不出来。喜欢某个人，偏偏见到她，一句话没有。看着旁边的朋友和他谈笑风生，心里又嫉妒又着急。暗示或者表白心际，一句我爱你，又怕一切是自己的自作多情。

I'm feeling depressed. I'm feeling jealous. How I wish I can say it out. Now, I didn't even have someone to talk to. My friends think that I neglected them because of him and doesn't want to find me anymore. They think I treated them as spare tyre like what the always did to me.

When he said he was out with friend during late night driving around, I was thinking of her or her or her. I think I'm mad. Yes. Indeed. That's bad! I promise to forget him as fast as I could. Be friend ya!

I'll try to forget you

2011-08-27T22:55:00.000-07:00

Facing the fact that he will not like me. As always I'm an alternative, not an option.
I'm such a pain in the ass. I hope I'll disappear in this world, never exists. Seeing you with other girls give me pain, but I can't do anything. It's so weird that I'm feeling jealous and can't express. If I express, it'll bring awkward-ness. Contradicting me, still can't face reality.

People pretty like fairy but me, ugly like... I can't find a word to express!

I find us having lots of common. My one-sided thoughts. Well, I'll bury my feelings again and hope that you'll never know. I won't feel awkward and we can still be friends, a good long term friend.

I hope I can control my behaviours towards you. I cannot care for you too much. Must control.

I can't stop browsing your facebook page. HOW?

another day w/out him

2011-08-22T06:21:00.000-07:00

He's on MC today. Wondered if he's really sick. Wanted to chat with him but I'm scared. If I asked him directly, I find it awkward. I'm scared he don't like. Fright~~ But as friend, I'm just out of concern, ya.

Probably he's waiting for my message (night-dreaming away). HAHA. Just fantasizing on my own :S
Are you sick?
Feeling better now?
How are you feeling now?
Got see doctor?
Drink more water.

I wanna say it out but I can't.

I met someone...again.

2011-08-21T00:36:00.001-07:00

I love my working life. Frankly speaking. I met nice people, who are true to you. You might think I'm naive as I just started my working life for 3 months but my intuition tells me so :D

As my title, I met someone I like a lot. This is another one-sided love of mine again :( Really like him so much that my chest hurts. He got a couple of girl-friends surrounding him. Pretty, lovely, cute, feminine, elegant, bubbly... and me, just an normal ugly one who think highly of myself that he will likes me :( I'm so happy whenever I see him.

I think I'm making a fool of myself at times. I care too much about him that I'm losing my own self. I talked rubbish that I regretted blurting out brainlessly. I think he can't stand me but as being polite, he tolerate who I am. I can't control my own feeling. I'm waiting for his messages everyday though it's impossible for him to do so. If miracles does happen but it doesn't apply on me.

Is it too obvious? I think he knows how I feel because my clique always say it out loud. He's so nice that he never avoid me. He's just so nice that makes me double sad. I'm looking forward for something that doesn't belong to me.

How to stop liking him? Meeting him everyday at work makes it difficult to accomplish. My mind just can't function well whenever he's around.

Why am I not born a beauty? I don't blame my parents, but the world's so reality. Pretty people stands tall and ugly faggot like me should hide and die alone. That's my life. Get criticised and face the fact that I'm super duper ugly woman living in this world.

Why he don't like me? Why he's not in love with me? Why am I born such an ugly faggot? Why are my characters and personality such a nuisance?

Will I be loved?